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EIGHT IS ENOUGH: February 2007

EIGHT IS ENOUGH

Sunday, February 25, 2007

A JUDGE AT A CURRY COOK-OFF

The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened tobe standing there at the judge's table asking directions to the beerwagon when the call came. I was assured by the other two judges (coupleof localIndians) that the curry wouldn't be all that spicy, and besides, theytold me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted."Here are the scorecards from the event


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CURRY # 1

Manoj's Maniac Mobster Monster Curry


JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.

JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavour. Very mild.

FRANK: Holy sh*t, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove driedpaint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. Ihope that's the worst one. These Indian fellows are crazy.

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CURRY # 2


Applesamy's AfterburnerCurry

JUDGE ONE: Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight Jalapeno tang.

JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavour, needs more peppers to be takenseriously.

FRANK: Keep this out of reach of children! I'm not sure what I amsupposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wantedto give me the Heimlich manoeuvre. They had to rush in more beer whenthey saw the look on my face.


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CURRY# 3

Farouk's Famous Burn Down the Barn Curry

JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse curry! Great kick. Needs more beans.

JUDGE TWO: A beanless curry, a bit salty, good use of red peppers.

FRANK: Call Colesburg, I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels likeI have been snorting Domestos. Everyone knows the routine by now, got memore beer before I ignited. Barmaid pounded me on the back; now mybackbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting sh*t-faced fromall the beer.


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CURRY # 4

Barbu's Black Magic

JUDGE ONE: Black bean curry with almost no spice. Disappointing.

JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish orother mild foods, not much of a curry.

FRANK: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable totaste it, is it possible to burn-out taste buds? Savathree, the barmaid,was standing behind me with fresh refills; that 300 lb. bitch isstarting to look HOT, just like this nuclear waste I'm eating. Is curryan aphrodisiac?


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Curry # 5

Laveshnee's Legal Lip Remover

JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong curry. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, addingconsiderable kick. Very impressive.

JUDGE TWO: Curry using shredded beef; could use more tomato. Must admitthe cayenne peppers make a strong statement.

FRANK: My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me neededhospital treatment. The contestant seemed offended when I told her thather curry had given me brain damage. Savathree saved my tongue frombleeding by pouring beer directly on it from a pitcher. I wonder if I'mburning my lips off? It really pisses me off that the other judges askedme to stop screaming.


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CURRY # 6

Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety

JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety curry. Good balance of spiceand peppers

JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic.Superb.

FRANK: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous,sulphuric flames. I sh*t myself when I farted and I'm worried it willeat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me exceptthat sl*t Savathree; she must be kinkier than I thought. Can't feel mylips anymore. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone!

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CURRY # 7

Sugash's Screaming Sensation Curry

JUDGE ONE: A mediocre curry with too much reliance on canned peppers.

JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can ofcurry peppers at the last moment. I should note that I am worried aboutJudge Number 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursinguncontrollably.

FRANK: You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I couldn'tfeel a damn thing. I've lost the sight in one eye, and the world soundslike it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with curry whichslid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava-like sh*t tomatch my damn shirt. At least during the autopsy they'll know whatkilled me. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful. Screw it,I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it inthrough the 4 inch hole in my stomach.


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CURRY # 8

Hansraj's Mount Saint Curry

JUDGE ONE: A perfect ending, this is a nice blend curry, safe for all,not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.

JUDGE TWO: This final entry is a good, balanced curry, neither mild norhot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge Number 3 passedout, fell over and pulled the curry pot down on top of himself. Not sureif he's going to make it. Poor Yank, wonder how he'd have reacted to areally hot curry?

FRANK: --------------(editor's note: Judge #3 was unable to report)

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Sunday, February 18, 2007

My Famous Words

What can I say..


"IF I CAN DO IT, ANYONE CAN"

(carport erected and painted by yours truly.. to existing garage)


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CAKE OR BED

A HUSBAND IS AT HOME WATCHING A FOOTBALL GAME WHEN HIS WIFE INTERRUPTS...HONEY, COULD YOU FIX THE LIGHT IN THE HALLWAY?

IT'S BEEN FLICKERING FOR WEEKS NOW. HE LOOKS AT HER AND SAYS ANGRILY

FIX THE LIGHT, NOW? DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE A G.E. LOGO PRINTED ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO!

THE WIFE ASKS, WELL THEN, COULD YOU FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR?

IT WON'T CLOSE RIGHT.TO WHICH HE REPLIED,

FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR? DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE WESTINGHOUSE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO.

FINE, SHE SAYS THEN YOU COULD AT LEAST FIX THE STEPS TO THE FRONT DOOR? THEY'RE ABOUT TO BREAK.

I'M NOT A DAMN CARPENTER AND I DON'T WANT TO FIX STEPS, HE SAYS. DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE ACE HARDWARE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO.

I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU. I'M GOING TO THE BAR!!! SO HE GOES TO THE BAR AND DRINKS FOR A COUPLE OF HOURS. HE STARTS TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT HOW HE TREATED HIS WIFE, AND DECIDES TO GO HOME AND HELP OUT.

AS HE WALKS INTO THE HOUSE HE NOTICES THE STEPS ARE ALREADY FIXED.

AS HE ENTERS THE HOUSE, HE SEES THE HALL LIGHT IS WORKING.

AS HE GOES TO GET A BEER, HE NOTICES THE FRIDGE DOOR IS FIXED.

HONEY, HE ASKS, HOW'D ALL THIS GET FIXED? SHE SAID, WELL, WHEN YOU LEFT I SAT OUTSIDE AND CRIED. JUST THEN A NICE YOUNG MAN ASKED ME WHAT WAS WRONG, AND I TOLD HIM.

HE OFFERED TO DO ALL THE REPAIRS, AND ALL I HAD TO DO WAS EITHER GO TO BED WITH HIM OR BAKE A CAKE.

HE SAID, SO WHAT KIND OF CAKE DID YOU BAKE HIM?

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SHE REPLIED, HELLOOOOO.......DO YOU SEE BETTY CROCKER WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO!

Friday, February 16, 2007

A QUICK JOKE





All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge.


"I should be in charge," said the brain, "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."





"I should be in charge," said the blood , "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away."

"I should be in charge," said the stomach," Because I process food and give all of you energy."

"I should be in charge," said the legs, "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."

"I should be in charge," said the eyes, "Because I allow the body to see where it goes."

"I should be in charge," said the rectum, "Because I'm responsible for waste removal."
All the other body parts laughed at the rectum And insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight. Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood was toxic. They all decided that the rectum should be the boss..
The Moral of the story? The a** hole is usually in charge

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Saturday, February 10, 2007

KARA'S 5TH BIRTHDAY


Making cup cakes for Kara to take to school.

The Best Part licking the bowl!!!

Kara opening some of her pressies

she loves beanie bears, thanks Nanny

Kara & her friend Molly at McDonalds

Kara Choose's Mac's, surprise suprise

Night time spent with family and close friends

"Look mum, look how clever I am "!!!!! (lol)

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Sunday, February 04, 2007

Back to School

Timothy settled in quite well, he was happy too see
his friends.
Timothy started Grade 2

Watch out Findon Primary here comes Kara...LoL

Kara starting prep - was very excited to start her first day at School

she looked beautiful, so little but how quick they grow.

Here is my little man Liam, of to 3 year old Kinder

He starts this week but he had to get

dressed into his uniform like his big brother and sister.

Will update on Wednesday, not sure who will be in tears him or me.. LOL

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