A FEW FUNNY JOKES

As An airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and annouces, "If I'm

going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman".

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on the plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says , "Here iron this!".

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The newlyweds are in their honeymoon room and the groom decides to let the bride know where she stands right from the start of the marriage.
He proceeds to take off his trousers and throw them at her. He says, "Put those on."
The bride replies, "I can't wear your trousers."
He replies, "And don't forget that! I will always wear the pants in the family!"
The bride takes off her knickers and throws them at him with the same request, "Try those on!"
He replies,"I can't get into your knickers!"
"And you never bloody will if you don't change your attitude."

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Last night, my wife and I were sitting in the lounge room and I said to her

"I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependant on some machines

and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens just pull the plug".

She got up, unplugged the tv and threw out my beer.